Stephany Toman
Lightbulb
moments are rare and precious.
Lately...my children
have steered me to a few of those. It's awesome and unexpected when
that happens, but when I think carefully about my experience as a
mother, I should not be in the least bit surprised.
Motherhood,
for me, has been an endless journey of nurturing, empowering, and
also self-discovery. The last part I never expected, for when I
embarked upon the motherhood adventure I had assumed it would be,
always, about my children. And I was fine with that.
I
couldn't have been more mistaken.
Through
the years my greatest personal insights have resulted from being a
Mom, and lately, it seems like there have been more moments than
ever. Perhaps the poignancy of shared moments has intensified since
my kids have begun their own lives away from home. Or perhaps their
self-reliance is allowing me time to really listen in lieu of
focusing on the mechanics of mothering during our shared moments. In
any case, they're now teaching me more about myself than I've ever
consciously sought to learn.
What
I do know is that between giving birth to them, bringing them up to
the best of my ability with my amazing husband, and letting them go
follow their own dreams, I became a much more fulfilled, aware,
conscientious and caring human being. My children saved me from my
only-child selfishness and taught me to play well with others.
Motherhood has taught me to share without question, to love without
bounds, and to understand that it is not only possible, but required,
to not take personally the moods of a tormented teenager or give
credence to the publicly thrown temper tantrum of a toddler.
Epiphanous
moments, though? Those have resulted from late-night conversations on
the patio where for some reason, the inhibitions evaporate and it's
all about honest sharing, no filters, with my kids. Summer nights and
moonlight have prompted no end of personal pursuits, including but
certainly not limited to dusting off my manuscript, exploring
volunteer opportunities with a local organization close to my heart,
seriously contemplating pursuing my Masters degree, focusing more on
personal development, and accepting that I will always feel best with
very short hair, wearing heels and jeans, and being in the company of
my close family. Moments of insight, I've begun to appreciate, can be
both deep and shockingly shallow, it seems. Also good to know.
And
mostly, that I will always be Mom to them, and that the definition of
that word changes over time, as it should, as our babies grow up and
pursue their futures with a passion and as we as women continue to
develop even as we continue to support our offspring.
There
is an eternal connectedness that becomes more beautiful and refined
with time, I'm finding. There is no less need for unconditional love
or hugs over broken hearts, the only difference is time and distance
and the delivery method of the calming, nurturing, endless actions of
motherhood.
And
now as I adjust to the nest that is full no longer, I realize my
biggest challenge may be that of engaging and stretching myself, my
boundaries, my perspectives and my dreams as I move toward my own
boundless and rich future. Because my babies, they are doing just fine.
I
love a good challenge, and I cannot wait to see what unfolds as I
look forward, embrace life's next offerings, and become the next
version of myself.
