Kathleen Gardenswartz
A
cloudless turquoise sky met this beautiful couple as they walked down
the aisle on their wedding day. It was a miraculous day in Santa Fe,
the kind that seizes even the weariest traveler and makes them want
to take root and stay forever. As they stood under her great-great
grandfather's prayer shawl, we all felt the magic of the moment and
didn’t want it to end.
After
an extraordinary wedding weekend, replete with laughter, splendid
parties and a gloriously-built mountain of miniature cupcakes we all
went home and the couple started their new life as husband and wife.
The first year has brought them exciting experiences, anticlimactic
accomplishments and humbling transitions delivered in the form of a
most beloved and destructive shoe-loving puppy.
There
is something whipped-cream fresh about watching a newly-married
couple that reminds us all of the unsullied, overwhelming love
experienced for a new partner, appreciating its value and handiness
when facing first disappointments, aching loss, and uphill challenges
as a couple. It is a deep well of love and understanding that awaits
its first charitable spousal handout to use by the other as required
with unpolluted hopes of future replenishment. Those steadfast
offerings are taken but often restored instead with the bond of
wisdom, connection and all the magic that make a good marriage age
well with time.
For
these newlyweds, the first year started with their need to make big
decisions quickly. They were exceedingly happy, enjoying their first
apartment together, in an up-and-coming area of Denver that allowed
them access amazing restaurants and coffee shops. They were not
quite ready to settle down in a more residential area of town. But,
the enticement to buy, to take advantage of great rates and a
first-time buyer incentive pushed them over the edge so they bought a
house. It meant making hard decisions, filtering many lovingly-lobbed opinions and finding the right house for them. They handled
this challenge with maturity and managed to find the perfect place to
settle into their new life.
A
move and a puppy bought huge transitions to their life, schedules and
focus. Their puppy came home, all of 20 lbs, a ridiculously cute,
black mass of excitement and energy. The puppy quickly grew to 45
lbs, then the teething began, as did the constant challenge to keep
this extremely active puppy exercised and out of trouble. Every door
and closet was closed, shoes were removed from low-lying areas,
toilet seats went in lock down, it was an all out effort to avoid all
large and small disasters. This test of patience brought them
together, a unified front to handle this cute, lumbering puppy with a
promise to love, train and care for its needs.
During
all this transition, there was work, challenging and interesting work
for both of them. There was a hitch though, the added responsibility
of finishing a dissertation for a masters degree. It was a slow,
meticulous effort to compile a body of work over the course of their
first year of marriage. No one questioned that it would be great and
creatively challenged when she stood before her professors, but it
required a great deal of time and effort. The accomplishment, a
masters degree, was met with cheers from family and friends but it
was somewhat anticlimactic for the couple by that point as their lives had moved on
with jobs they enjoyed that challenged them.
The
pressure for this couple to adequately divide their time between
relatives in the first year was palatable and yet stands as a
universal challenge for the newly married. They were loving but firm
and resolved with all of us, as they doled out days and hours to
spend with family between work and their own personal time. It is a
charming characteristic that will serve them well in the future as
their family expands.
In
the first year couples can be spread thin, navigating relationships
around them while protecting their new status. There are high
expectations, tugs and pulls at every holiday and never enough time
to satisfy all involved. It requires a level of acceptance and
feeling comfortable saying 'no' when a line is crossed, that can bring
a level of sanity and peace at home.
The
Santa Fe wedding was a joyful celebration, centered on the mingling
of two families. It brought parents, siblings, extended relatives
and friends together to mark the beginning of their marriage. From
that momentous ceremony, they followed a Jewish tradition for the
couple to declare their new standing and were escorted into the
seclusion of the Yichud, symbolizing their new home and status as
husband and wife. Looking back, this couple’s first year of
marriage was a great success, but they seem more resolved to push
forward and see what happens next, just like their puppy.
